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Tag Archives: Life

What do you get out of it? What’s the return? These are just some of the questions I’ve seen raised at to the pointlessness of blogging. After all you’re not going to get any money out of it.

But the answer to the question is actually pretty simple. Why do anything? Why does an author sit down and take the time to write a book or novel? Why do poets write poetry? Do they sit down and think ‘I need to make money… better write a book.’ While I’m sure there are people out there who do exactly that, the majority are more likely under a compulsion to do so.

What does this mean? This means that they have a desire to create something and share it with other people by having them reading it. It’s the sharing of beliefs and the expression of ideas. Others comment and add to your output, sometimes validating it, sometimes debunking it.

It’s not always about the money. People draw, sing, dance, snap photos and do so many other things for free. These are all things that don’t necessarily give any monetary return, but the people performing these acts enjoy doing them. What else do you need to do something… isn’t that the bare requirement?

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We spend so much time in our lives getting to know other people, but what about getting to know ourselves?

The one person you can never see from an external viewpoint is you. In fact you may be completely oblivious about the things you do until someone else points them out or you see them for yourself.

It is this lack of self perception that forces us to look to others to ascertain where we stand. Without comparison how do you know if you are smart, fast, tall or any other characteristic? If you were the only person on the planet you would never have any way of knowing, because those characteristics are relative to other people.

As we go through life we learn a lot about ourselves. Characteristics we believed we had may prove false while others we never knew existed might manifest themselves.

One thing is for certain… you as a person are not static. The events of every day continuously change you causing a gradual evolution from one form to the next. Hopefully… you’re learning and getting better each day.

Momentum

It’s a strange thing. Keep doing something and its much easier to keep doing it. But suddenly the moment you stop, the moment you begin to put it off till later, suddenly its begins to get harder and harder. The more you delay, the harder it is to get back in to it. It seems to hold true regardless of what you’re doing, whether its studying, exercising, writing or whatever else.

I suppose its just the body and the mind getting used to things as it eventually adapts. It all depends on the newness of the experience. A friend of mine once wanted to become a nude model, but she said she was kinda shy to start. So I said it’ll be weird the first few times but after that you’ll get used to it. And that’s pretty much the same story for just about anything that a person can do.

Unfortunately the same holds true for a lot of negative behaviours including killing. Seasoned killers don’t blink or think about killing too much. That’s one of the worst things about war, it trains a large number of people to become killers and get used to it on a regular basis. I suppose you can’t wait to see if the other guy is going to shoot first cos then you’ll be dead. Problems really do arise when soldiers are forced to return to civilian lifestyles.

Anyway it seems that if you really want to do something and I mean really… you just keep at it. Even though you suck at the start, the only way you become good at it is by continuously doing it over and over again and someday somewhere you’ll find that you’re no longer half bad at this. But if you look for perfection from the start, then you’ll never get there.

J'Taime by Amna A. Al-Thani

So she says. I don’t believe her. She barely knows me so how can it possibly be true?

I say… “I don’t believe you”. She says “You don’t have to believe it but I still feel that way”.

I say… “You barely even know me. It takes time.” She says “Whether its a short time or a long time it doesn’t change the way I feel”

I just don’t buy it. This just can’t be. It has to be a fun game which she assures me it’s not. She’s a nice person, I like talking to her. But do I feel anything toward her? How could I? I barely know her. I have to admit I get a little alarmed when she keeps repeating it. It’s only been 3 weeks.

Somehow I feel that if she did something stupid because she’s purportedly in love with me I would somehow be responsible. It’s like ‘true they did something stupid… but only because they love you’. How can you blame anyone for that?

This all sounds a little too far fetched. There has to be a catch right? Oh yeah… I forgot. She’s married and has a kid. She’s planning on getting divorced so she says. I don’t really want to get entangled in stuff like this. But because she’s married and has a kid sometimes I forget… she’s just a year older than me.

If I’m being ‘played’ for kicks… that’s ok. I’m immune to this kind of thing now.  If not… I really don’t know where this is all heading.

"I love you too honey!"

So you’ve been in a relationship for x amount of years now. Things used to be good and you couldn’t remember being happier. But then suddenly one day you wake up realize you’re not the same person anymore. Even scarier you realize that the relationship you’re in no longer works for you. The magic has long past and you’re still in it because… well just because you were in it yesterday.

Suddenly you think  maybe you should break away and start anew… but you’re afraid to let go of the past. But is there any point in holding on to something that is long gone? Just going through the motions when things are quite dead? Pretending things are the way they used to be and just holding on to memories? I would argue that the answer is a resounding no.

So many people stick in their marriages just because its convention and getting divorced, (especially for women) is a huge social stigma. Sure it’s not like that whole lets throw myself on my Husband’s flaming coffin kind of thing, but its sorta there.

But getting divorced is a huge ‘there’s something wrong with me. I can’t remain in a marriage. I am taboo.’ But really considering how hard it is to maintain a good relationship is it such a wonder that so many relationships fail? They fail on a regular basis… in fact we should have one of those clocks that says “x amounts of relationships have failed in the last 1 minute”.

I dunno. Personally I’d rather be dead than be stuck in a horrible relationship for life with someone I hate or even worse, someone I find ‘so so’. Why is ‘so so’ worse? Well quite simply you can’t even get the satisfaction of hating that person for being the slimeball that they are because maybe they are actually just plain nice if not ultimately boring. You’d just end up feel guilty.

Work Harder... Support the Rich!

One of the worst feelings ever in my entire life was having to write. What’s that you say? What’s wrong with writing? Well nothing of course… until you consider the fact that I was forced to write for a living. Churning piece after piece with inadequate time to actually write properly. What was I writing? Articles for Article marketing.

What’s so bad about it? Well you just get to write 300 words about a host of destinations (If you’re in the travel industry) by browsing the net and essentially paraphrasing what other people have written. If you do take the time out to write a really good and well researched article… well you’re not even going to get the credit for it.

And then you’ve got the automatic formula for me to stop writing properly, and start churning out articles by the bucketload. Open doc, type, type, type, close. Rinse. Repeat. The entire experience becomes somewhat akin to working in a mine. Instead of breaking rocks with a pickaxe, you’re typing articles with your keyboard, but the feeling is similar. At the end of the day, you’re pretty tired. You go home to rest only to come back the next day and do the same thing again and again.

I began to hate writing. But it’s only recently that I realized that doing that wasn’t writing at all. That was just soulless garbage being churned out to meet corporate objectives and the bottom line.  It became a clear cut case of quantity over quality.

If you’re thinking 300 words doesn’t seem like much… well it isn’t, but that’s also the problem. You see you can’t really write about anything in so few words without taking the time to actually write a lot more and cut it down to spec. That’s hard. That’s why assignments and stuff sometimes have a strict word limit because you’re expected to present your idea succinctly. It also prevents copy-paste jobs.

After over year or so of writing that stuff I’d really had enough. I seriously just burnt out. Anyway after writing in other places I’ve decided I’m never going to stop writing. I just don’t want it to become a scenario of churning it out because then it becomes hell.

Hulk at Church

Hulk... Smash!

So I’ve been pretty pissed off lately, a trend I don’t see going away anytime soon. The chief reason was this lameness with some chick. Total lame.

Anyway I’m just plain ashamed at what happened and how weak I ended up becoming. It was plain pathetic and I don’t think I can really forgive myself anytime soon.

Unfortunately being pissed off means you lash out at people, trash stuff and generally don’t focus very well. Yeah I haven’t done anything constructive in a while and it’s not cool.

On other news I actually started reading that copy of the King James II Bible I had lying around. God knows how it ended up in my possession. 😉 Anyway the beginning was plain lame. I got to that point in the story about Hem seeing Noah naked after he decided to get drunk on wine in his tent and collapse in the buff and thought it was all a bit strange. Hem told his brothers what he had seen and his brothers walked backwards with a sheet to cover his ‘nakedness’. But once the dude Noah woke up he was all like “I curse your sons for seeing me naked Hem. They shall be the servants to  your brothers” Ok… wha?

Then there was also that whole Eve was created from a rib business, which I think is incorrect since scientifically I believe it is somewhat established that all life is female before being modified in to being  a male. The useless titties on men are evidence of this.

I really didn’t want to read more, but I just forced myself to go on. Once I got to the story about Babel and the tower it seemed somewhat fascinating. So I’m not giving up on it yet.

I must laugh at the words ‘she-ass’ and ‘he-ass” which are used to describe donkeys! I don’t know if I’ll ever finish it though…

Abandoned Girl

A long time ago when I was in Iraq I did something I still regret today. I remember going to a jewelery story with my mother. I was pretty short and couldn’t even see over the counter properly and didn’t really want too either. While I was twiddling my thumbs, a woman dressed in a power suit walks in leading a little girl by hand. She was about the same size as me.

The woman lets go and starts talking with the shopkeeper about various items on display. My mother is doing the same. Meanwhile an old couple starts playing with the little girl. Eventually she gets taken in to the game. A while later the young woman walks out… leaving the little girl behind. I’m thinking ‘what just happened here? Does no one even notice this except me?’

The little girl realizes a short while later that the lady she came in with has disappeared. But she waits in the store. I’m thinking that the lady will be back shortly anyway, so no big deal.

Anyway as my mother and I walk out the store and eventually the mall I wonder what happened to the little girl. I turn around and look at the mall and the little girl walks out in front of it; she’s still alone. It’s night and it’s cold, she has a thick jacket on. There are no tears in her eyes and she just stands at the entrance looking left and then right. She seems very brave.

I’m thinking now “Should I say something?” I hesitate a while. I’m not sure. If it’s a false alarm I’ll get in trouble. But I don’t want to turn my back on someone who needs help. After debating we eventually reach the car. I look one more time and she’s still there. I know there should be a happy ending somewhere here… but I decide to save my own ass.

As we drive away I climb to the backseat and look out and sure enough she’s still waiting out there all alone. I wonder what happened to her even now. A lot can happen to a kid all alone in the night… it wasn’t a friendly looking neighbourhood and even less so at night. I wonder why anyone would abandon a little girl like that but I guess times were tough.

Since then I decided I’d never let that happen again.